It's incredible the things human beings can adapt to in life-or-death circumstances, isn't it? In this particular case it wasn't my personal life in danger, but rather the life of this very blog. I will allow for a brief pause while the audience shares gasps of disbelief. We must stay strong and collect ourselves from such distress.
Like most things I despise, the source of this unnecessary headache was a SaaS product. I won't name any names here, but it was Cloudinary. Yep, totally them. We'd been using their (supposedly) free service for hosting our blog's images for about a